Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Reflections from Amanda

I know it's been about two months since we last posted something on the blog. Part of it is laziness and busyness, and part of it is I don't know what to write. I know sometimes when we lived in Kenya we were bad about updating our blog, but since we've been back I think we have both been at a loss for words. Our life now seems so mundane, and uneventful, maybe just not very interesting. We had cool stories or pictures in Kenya, it seemed so much easier to blog. Every day was an adventure in Kenya and everyday we had to completely rely on the Lord to get through every moment of every day. I think that's the biggest difference, that's the hardest part of being back in Texas. People are constantly asking me how it's been being back, and I kind of have mixed emotions about it. A part of me (well most of me) is THRILLED! I'm loving being back, seeing family a lot more often, have fun with friends, and earning money again. But part of me misses Kenya, the beautiful people, best friends still there, the awesome scenery outside the city, the ministry each day and feeling like you are making an impact in this world. Even though at times it felt so overwhelming. I know the grass is always greener on the other side, and I definitely think that quote is so true. There were so many days in Kenya I would be overwhelmed, lonely, completely frustrated with the culture and couldn't wait to hop on the plane to come back. I mean, their culture was inefficient, there were things they did or ways of thinking that completely pissed me off and didn't make any sense to me. Our "western" way of thinking is obviously right and makes way more sense. Ha (completely sarcastic). But in a way, I would LOVE to go back to the "simple" way of life. Not rushing around each week, only seeing my husband about 2-3 hours a day, working all the time just for the next "break" or "7 day vacation". I'm not saying I'm ready to move back, I'm not at all. I really have enjoyed being back but I'm just letting you in on how I feel every now and then. These thoughts have definitely gone through my head. I know the Lord has us where we are for a reason, and I have really enjoyed family and friends, and all the fun things Jerrod and I have done these last six months of being home. I just want to rely on God like I did in Kenya. I have really been struggling spiritually these last few months. I feel so independent, like I don't need God in the same capacity like I did in Kenya, which is so FALSE! But I wonder how many people in America really do feel that way? If you haven't experienced complete dependency on Christ before, you think you got it all covered. You don't need anyone's help. I need Jesus. PERIOD. I need Him every moment of everyday. And the hard truth is, He hasn't gone anywhere, I have just pushed Him to the side and said "I got this, but I'll turn to you when I really need you". Shame on me. He is my Savior, and deserves to be a part of every decision, thought, action, and moment of every day. So hear is to 2014, learning how to live in America again, and completely trusting Him again in this new life of ours. It's not ours anyway, we live for Him. This world is not our home. Thank goodness! I hope this made some sort of sense, and spoke to one person out there. My mind is going 100 directions right was a long day at work, but I felt like I was supposed to write this :)


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